Category Archives: My Blog

Counselling anxiety, depression, obsessive negative thought patterns, suicidal thoughts.

People of all ages, both women, men and, increasingly, young people are suffering from anxiety and depression, manifesting itself in obsessive, negative and suicidal thought patterns and resultant disturbing physical symptoms and behaviour.

The mental, emotional and physical symptoms of anxiety can be a blight on people’s lives, exerting a restrictive control on both themselves and their relationships.

Accompanying these feelings and symptoms can be a raft of issues such as low self-esteem, lack of assertiveness, conflict avoidance and control or abuse issues. Bullying affects many children and young people and if not addressed, can have deep and life-long consequences on mood and self-confidence.

Anxiety can happen suddenly because of an incident or situation, or it can creep up on you, becoming a generalised anxiety state, affecting both daytime thoughts and behaviour and night time sleep patterns. When mild anxiety which is manageable, becomes acute and disturbing symptoms become evident, then the person suffering, their family, friends and work can all be detrimentally affected. At this point, many people consider seeking help.

In my counselling practice, I have an increasing number of clients coming for help because they recognise that their anxiety is generating symptoms which are inhibiting them from living a fully confident and outgoing life. Distressed parents are organising counselling for their teenagers because they feel unable to help them deal with or improve their levels of anxiety or depression. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can be a cause or result of anxiety. Symptoms of OCD can be hugely debilitating, and obsessive thoughts can generate emotions and behaviour which can spiral out of control.

During my 23 years of counselling experience, I have developed techniques and strategies which can relatively quickly bring back control for the sufferer and relief of their symptoms – a major transformation back to normality and being able to get on with their lives.

My approach is a three-part strategy, the first part of which is using counselling therapy to explore and understand issues which have caused anxiety, either past or present. The second part is coming to a recognition of what action needs to be taken, if any, to improve the person’s situation i.e. what can be changed and what can’t and both the difference between the two and the complexities arising from this, including assertiveness issues, low self-esteem and anger management. The third strategy is looking at, and changing, negative and controlling thoughts which become obsessive or dominating and which generate painful and inhibitive emotions and behaviour. This is a form of brain training which is both simple and extremely effective.

Many of my clients have seen much success with this approach and the transformation in their lives is wonderful to behold. The only requirement is that a person has a real willingness and ability to reflect on their lives and present circumstances and to accept help to take the steps towards changing them.

Anne

Counselling South West

Marriage Guidance Counselling – Tips to find the Right Counsellor

A wedding is a special occasion where the souls of two individuals get united and together they start their new journey of life. While it is said that marriages are made in heaven, it is also true that not all the marriages turn out to be successful. Not all the couples feel happy or comfortable with their spouses. As couples, having conflicts with each other is quite an obvious thing. However, issues arise when these conflicts lead to marital separation where the couples do not feel like staying together anymore.

To avoid such situations, Marriage Guidance Counselling is one of the best ways to resolve conflicts and improve the relationship once again between both the partners.

How Marriage Counsellors Help You?

Marriage counselling gives you time and more space to talk without arguing. It is like a special chance to resolve all your issues by expressing the feelings about your partner and the relationship you have with them. With each proceeding, the marriage counsellors will guide you in understanding the needs of your partner and ways to resolve your issues with them. This helps help you rebuild your relationship with your spouse and make you realise that how external factors such as religion, family values, culture differences and lifestyle can affect your relationship.

If you are looking for marriage guidance counselling services, this is the right platform for you. In this guide, we are going to tell you some tips on hiring the right marriage counsellor.

Tips:

  1.    Make Sure the Counsellor is Accredited – Relate, BACP

It is a very good idea to confirm the licensing authority and the background of the marriage counsellor. You should check their website for more information related to their profession. The counsellor of marriage must pass the state licensing exam empowered by the association of marital and family therapy regulatory board.

  1.    Compare Strategies Plan

Before hiring a therapist, you should compare their counselling plans with other marriage counsellors. Ask about the different techniques used by the therapist for treatment and how it would help you in the counselling process. You can communicate in a constructive way for the basic strategies used in this process.

  1.    Check Educational Background  

Education plays a very important role in every profession together with specific counselling qualifications and extensive experience in counselling of marriage.

  1.    Locating Counsellors near You

You can search couple counsellor online and from the reference of your friends, neighbours and colleagues. You should check the database of professional counsellor that is locating nearby you. Hence, it is easy for you to get a marriage counsellor in your area.

These are some basic tips for hiring a Couple counsellors to strengthen or rekindle your relationship. If you are looking for the professional Marriage guidance counsellor, then counselling South West Anne Roberts can turn out to be the best option. For more information explore the website here: https://www.couplecounsellor.co.uk/

Relationships: When control becomes abuse

Relationships: When control becomes abuse

Everybody needs some control over themselves and their daily environment to enable a good level of mental and emotional health: powerlessness can lead to depression. This can sometimes be easier to achieve as a single person, in terms of being able to choose how to manage your time and home environment – many people choose this or to live apart from their partners.

In relationships where partners live together, control of their circumstances becomes a more complicated issue, especially in re-constituted families where there are children and finance issues involved with ex-partners. Control then becomes a delicate balance between the needs of each individual in the relationship. When this works well and both partners are flexible and considerate of the needs of the other, the relationship can run smoothly like a well-oiled machine.

Problems arise when couples feel a need to fight each other to maintain a comfortable level of control, or one partner becomes dominant and the other is subdued or frightened into submission.

Being able to make decisions and choices for oneself – how we look, speak, dress, behave – is our right as an adult unless we are conforming to standards and regulations of a particular organisation by choice e.g. school, the workplace, military. If we don’t then we are aware there will be subsequent consequences.

To a degree, it is similar in relationships and families. What is acceptable behaviour, what is not? Who decides this? Balancing individual needs with couple or family needs can be difficult. Problems arise when one partner’s need for a certain level of control involves controlling their partner in order for them to feel comfortable. This can be very obvious, or it can be more subtle and insidious. Good communication and compromise are necessary for a relationship to succeed, especially with the pressures of children, work, time and finances to juggle. When power and control become unbalanced, they can lead to arguments, anger and abuse.

Insecurity and jealousy are often reasons why one partner will try and control the other, whether it is the way they dress, their conversation, friends or activities. Controlling behaviour can range from moods, shouting and name calling to physical violence.

The initial comfortable love, companionship and security of a relationship can gradually slip into irritability, frustration and criticism. Security within the relationship can easily transform to loss of respect and it may be many years down the line before one or both partners recognise they are no longer happy. If you feel bullied, intimidated or diminished, it points to it being time for a couple to review the relationship.

So what is reasonable control and what is not? It can be very subjective. If your behaviour is enhancing and enabling your own life whilst either doing the same for your partner, or at least not restricting or repressing your partner, then is it positive? Who controls the running of the home or who disciplines the children? Is there justice in financial accessibility and spending? Are individual, couple and family time balanced and equal? Are you able to see your family and friends without feeling guilty?

Catching unresolved issues early and resolving them is important, but fear of a partner’s negative response can be intimidating. Anxiety about the possibility of the relationship ending if control issues are raised or challenged can also be inhibiting, but ignoring excessive control or putting up with it won’t make it go away – it will continue, inexorably, to more unhappiness.

Counselling can help to explore and understand the patterns of control in a relationship in a safe environment, before the relationship becomes irretrievable – and if it has reached that point, it can help to face a different future.

Low self-esteem

If you suffer from low self-esteem, you may or may not be aware of how far reaching the effects of it are on many areas of your life. If you are in a relationship with someone with low self-esteem, you may also find it has repercussions on a daily basis.
Low self-esteem is considered to be a thinking disorder. Negative thoughts about ourselves are not based on reality but usually prompted by the opinions and responses of significant people in our lives. This can seriously affect attitudes, emotions and behaviour, damaging our quality of life and that of those we live with.
Low self-esteem can be the result of damaging parenting, bullying or abusive adult relationships. Consequences can be many and varied: fear and anxiety about not being good enough, sometimes leading to a constant search for reassurance or becoming a perfectionist; fear of failure which limits any new activity or risk taking; needy behaviour in relationships, either seeking or rejecting recognition and praise; behaving in irrational, negative and self-destructive ways.
If you recognise low self-esteem as something which is negatively impacting on your life and would like help to change this, contact me, Anne Roberts, Counselling South West, on t: 01297 301035 m: 07887 961954 email: [email protected]: www.couplecounsellor.co.uk

The loneliness of loss

The Loneliness of Loss

The pain of losing a loved one is a life experience that comes to us all. Even though death and disaster are broadcast to us on a daily basis, it is one that we hope and pray we can avoid, but, ultimately, have to face. Bereavement can leave us temporarily crushed by despair and loneliness – a loneliness that feels unremitting and isolating, even if we are surrounded by friends and family, which many people are not.Low Self Esteem CounsellingAlthough everyone deals with loss differently, and it covers many situations, for example, divorce or separation, childlessness or disabling injury, there are stages we go through. We experience a process of grief and mourning, and it is the quality of love and support we have during this process which can make the difference between hope for a life ahead with meaning and happiness, or descent into loneliness and depression.Affairs CounsellingMany people have family and friends to help, but sometimes, feelings about the person who has been lost or the circumstances of their death or leaving can be conflicted or traumatic. It may not be possible to share these feelings with your family, or you may feel that you are burdening them too much, in which case counselling may help.

Relationships: power and control

Relationships: power and control

The pain of losing a loved one is a life experience that comes to us all. Even though death and disaster are broadcast to us on a daily basis, it is one that we hope and pray we can avoid, but, ultimately, have to face. Bereavement can leave us temporarily crushed by despair and loneliness – a loneliness that feels unremitting and isolating, even if we are surrounded by friends and family, which many people are not.

Low Self Esteem Counselling

Although everyone deals with loss differently, and it covers many situations, for example, divorce or separation, childlessness or disabling injury, there are stages we go through. We experience a process of grief and mourning, and it is the quality of love and support we have during this process which can make the difference between hope for a life ahead with meaning and happiness, or descent into loneliness and depression.

Affairs Counselling

Many people have family and friends to help, but sometimes, feelings about the person who has been lost or the circumstances of their death or leaving can be conflicted or traumatic. It may not be possible to share these feelings with your family, or you may feel that you are burdening them too much, in which case counselling may help.

Relationships: getting the balance right

Relationships: getting the balance right

The pain of losing a loved one is a life experience that comes to us all. Even though death and disaster are broadcast to us on a daily basis, it is one that we hope and pray we can avoid, but, ultimately, have to face. Bereavement can leave us temporarily crushed by despair and loneliness – a loneliness that feels unremitting and isolating, even if we are surrounded by friends and family, which many people are not.

Low Self Esteem Counselling

Although everyone deals with loss differently, and it covers many situations, for example, divorce or separation, childlessness or disabling injury, there are stages we go through. We experience a process of grief and mourning, and it is the quality of love and support we have during this process which can make the difference between hope for a life ahead with meaning and happiness, or descent into loneliness and depression.

Affairs Counselling

Many people have family and friends to help, but sometimes, feelings about the person who has been lost or the circumstances of their death or leaving can be conflicted or traumatic. It may not be possible to share these feelings with your family, or you may feel that you are burdening them too much, in which case counselling may help.

Relationships: word power

Relationships: word power

The pain of losing a loved one is a life experience that comes to us all. Even though death and disaster are broadcast to us on a daily basis, it is one that we hope and pray we can avoid, but, ultimately, have to face. Bereavement can leave us temporarily crushed by despair and loneliness – a loneliness that feels unremitting and isolating, even if we are surrounded by friends and family, which many people are not.

Low Self Esteem Counselling

Although everyone deals with loss differently, and it covers many situations, for example, divorce or separation, childlessness or disabling injury, there are stages we go through. We experience a process of grief and mourning, and it is the quality of love and support we have during this process which can make the difference between hope for a life ahead with meaning and happiness, or descent into loneliness and depression.

Affairs Counselling

Many people have family and friends to help, but sometimes, feelings about the person who has been lost or the circumstances of their death or leaving can be conflicted or traumatic. It may not be possible to share these feelings with your family, or you may feel that you are burdening them too much, in which case counselling may help.